Healthy Conflict

It might be a bit strange to think that conflict could be good, but healthy relationships will include good conflict, whether it’s two people in a marriage, a team of people, or even an entire church or larger organisation.

The reason is that conflict is simply any disagreement between two people or parties, which, when handled well, is a normal part of life together.

This is something I learnt in a book called ‘Five Dysfunctions of a Team’ by Patrick Lencioni, in which Fear of Conflict’ is listed as a significant problem in teams that don’t work well.

As Christians, we rightfully “make every effort to keep [ourselves] united in the Spirit, binding [ourselves] together with peace.” (Ephesians 4:3)

And, at the same time, we know that it is right for us to “speak the truth in love, (Ephesians 4:15), knowing that truth will bring conflict amongst us.

Indeed, Jesus made it clear that his message will “set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother,” (Matthew 10:35) as the call to follow him will bring conflict amongst even the closest families.

Another form of conflict comes when we tell someone to stop sinning, as we read in this week’s chapter from Matthew 18.

It’s sometimes hard to pluck up the courage to lead someone to be convicted of their sins, but “wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. (Proverbs 27:6).

For if they listen to our rebuke, then we will be serving them in love as we seek to help them see their error and to lovingly serve them as they move towards repentance and reconciliation, as needed.

This kind of conflict is often the hardest, but it is always the most important for us to pursue, out of deep love for each other and for the church of Christ.

JODIE McNEILL